Your child is the same child they were yesterday
The days after an autism diagnosis can feel like a wall of new words, wait lists, and late-night searches. Some parents feel relief. Some feel grief, anger, or shock. Many feel all of it in the same week.
Dr. Erica Bailen has guided families through that moment for 20 years. She is a board-certified pediatrician who blends conventional pediatric care with functional medicine training, and she runs a direct pediatrics practice where a well visit lasts an hour instead of 15 minutes. On a recent episode of the Autism Weekly podcast, she shared what she tells every family who walks through her door.
Her first message is the one parents most need to hear:
“Your child is the exact same child they were the day before they got this diagnosis.”
Their strengths have not changed. Your love for them has not changed. And the skills your child has today do not decide what they will be able to do a year from now.
What to do first
Not everything needs to happen right away. Dr. Bailen recommends starting with three steps.
- Breathe, and enjoy your child. Smile, play, and have fun together. That time matters as much as any appointment.
- Find a medical home you trust. Look for a pediatrician who is neuro-affirming, has time to talk, and is willing to say, “I don’t know, but I’ll look into that for you.”
- Get on waitlists now. Call early, even if your child won’t start for months.
What you can do at home while you wait
Waiting is hard when you want to act. These steps help now and cost nothing.
- Follow their interests. If your child loves trains or Spider-Man, dive in with them. Shared interests build connection.
- Treat behavior as communication. Ask what your child might be trying to tell you, especially when something changes.
- Get outside and move. Fresh air and activity help kids and parents.
- Let home be home. Limit how much of the day you spend “working on” skills. Family time counts.
- Watch the whole family. Check in on siblings, other caregivers, and yourself.
- Be kind to yourself. Parents often blame themselves for things that are not their fault. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
- Find your people. Other parents, online or in person, can offer practical tips or simply a place to feel less alone.
Small food changes that help
Good nutrition is not about perfection. “It’s not about never having sugar or never going through a drive-thru,” Dr. Bailen says. It’s about tweaking one small thing. For children with a limited diet, she focuses on adding foods, not just removing them.
- Aim for three colors on the plate. Make it a game to “eat the rainbow.”
- Use what your child already likes. If they love crunchy foods, try other crunchy foods. This is called food chaining.
- Put one new food on the side. Keep the rest of the plate familiar.
- Count small wins. Smelling, touching, or holding a new food to their lips is progress. They don’t have to eat it.
- Invite them in. Some kids enjoy helping cook, gardening, or using dips.
Talk with your pediatrician if you notice reflux, constipation, belly pain, or skin issues like eczema. These can affect sleep and mood, too.
How to spot autism misinformation
Families are especially vulnerable after a diagnosis. You want to do everything you can, and there is a flood of information to sort through. Dr. Bailen’s rule is simple: be wary of anything that promises to cure, reverse, or detox autism.
“There is nothing about your child that we need to cure or reverse,” she says. “We just need to remove roadblocks to allow your child to thrive.”
Resist the urge to start every supplement or program at once. Start with the basics, and bring new ideas to your pediatrician before you try them.
Ask one question before any test
Before agreeing to a test, ask: will the result change my child’s care plan? If not, it may not be worth the cost or the stress.
Some tests check dozens or hundreds of markers at once. A few results often come back “abnormal” but don’t matter, which can leave parents worried for no reason. Many of these tests are also not covered by insurance.
Testing can be useful when there is a clear reason. Examples Dr. Bailen shared include:
- A sudden change in behavior, which may signal pain or a medical issue that needs a closer look
- Toileting accidents in a child who was already toilet trained
- Nutrient testing for a child who eats very few foods
- Genetic testing, especially when autism or related conditions run in the family
- An EEG when there are signs of seizures
Keep your child’s care team on the same page
Many autistic children see several providers, such as speech, occupational, and ABA therapists. Mixed advice is confusing. One provider may say to introduce one new food every few days, while another says to try something new daily.
Ask your providers to talk to each other. Dr. Bailen also suggests keeping your child’s medical information organized in one place, including a one-page summary with medications, allergies, specialists, and other conditions. Hand it to any new doctor or emergency room so your child gets respectful, informed care from the start.
A message for everyone: presume competence
Dr. Bailen’s closing advice is for parents and for everyone who meets an autistic child or adult.
- Celebrate the small wins. Success looks different for every child.
- Don’t compare. Your child’s path is their own.
- Presume competence. A child who is nonverbal can still understand you and has a way to communicate. Many autistic people are seeking relationships and want to thrive. Like anyone else, they may just need the right tools, accommodations, or support.
Listen to the full conversation
Hear Dr. Erica Bailen’s full interview with host Jeff Skibitsky on the Autism Weekly podcast:
Resources for families
Dr. Erica Bailen’s autism roadmap book, a chapter-by-chapter guide for families after a diagnosis.
About ABS Kids: ABS Kids partners with children and families to deliver high-quality, compassionate applied behavior analysis (ABA) therapy at home, in schools, and in our centers. From diagnosis to ongoing treatment, we support children with autism every step of the way. We proudly provide ABA therapy in California, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Utah. Join our team to combine purpose with professional growth.
